Thursday, June 2, 2011


Myself. It is as if a long evaporated shadow from the past has now reappeared with the sun and pinned itself to my feet, trailing me, calling out my name, day and night. The shadow has a voice, but it comes from inside of me. No one else can hear save my little inner ears. How can this be Little Shadow? You are on the outside but you resonate from within?

My physical voice could never, in all eternity portray the complexity of my being. Oftentimes, my thoughts run deep, they roller-coaster upon sunny and rainy terrains, jump from cliffs, step upon hot coal, dance upon a thousand needles. Alas, however strange the things they do, they end up lost - not even a cold, grey gravestone as a reminder. I want to remember these little idiosyncrasies, worthless as they may be, and I think I have found a way.

Is it really you? 10 years ago you inspired me. And now, I come upon someone like you again, beautiful as ever, talented, inspirational! I would have liked to be you, I dreamt of being like you. But is it really you? Even if you're a different person, you make me feel exactly like how I felt all those years ago, when my mind was young and malleable and my palette filled with unimaginative colours. I wanted to soar like a dove back then, I wanted to glow like a little candle in the darkness. It is a different me now, I know better than to wish to be like you. I shall not be ungrateful and wish that God made me any different. You're still great, but I am who I am, and with the realization that both of us share the same love, you and me, we can still do what we love, but I'll do it my way.

P/S: A string of recent thoughts led me to wonder where my dear mentor of old, Pn.Jeyamala is now. She lit a fire in me all those years back. She picked me out from the crowd and made me feel special, just for a day. I really looked up to her, she gave me a purpose.

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