I have always taken pride in myself as a person who tries very hard to keep her rants to herself. Sometimes, I get a little stressed out when the people around me complain all the time, so I have tried to minimize the similar effect that I could impose on others by choosing to be silent with my pains. Lately however, the buziness of my life has just become a central part of me and whenever someone asks me how I am, my standard reply would be: "I'm so busy".
Don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean that I have succumbed to the complaining nature of most university students. It's just that I have adopted a very honest approach to the standard "How's it going?" question. Truth be told, I almost abhor this question because I never really know how to respond to it. A sweet friend once told me the funny story of how she google-ed for replies to this question and now reflecting back on that, I could see myself attempting the very same thing. This question is a stunner bur for now, I don't have the time for pleasantries, because plain old honesty works just alright. In fact, it can't be such a bad thing afterall, because then I get to bore people with the wonderful stories of my baby- my wonderful research work!
Work is mounting on me and me being the single-tasker sort of person, cannot juggle being a social butterfly and a student at the same time. Okay, so nowadays I have a sour reticent persona surrounding me, but so what? I cannot and will not entertain everyone around me just as I had in the past because I simply have no means and resources to do so. So some people might see me as an anti-social hibernating greedy bear, or a hermit, or a shy girl but I honestly do not give two pence to what they think. Think away, comment away, annoy me all you want. I am too tired to please anyone else. Being selfish nowadays have given me more time freedom and I am enjoying it. Please don't judge me my friends, sometimes, a person just needs more time to herself for her own good. Increasingly, I have noticed the value of making selective conversations. Speaking with friends who are more honest towards me, whether or not that honesty comes from how detached they are from my life, gives me more comfort. I cherish the opportunities to be with them, even for a few minutes, away from the usual company who sometimes suffocate me with all sorts of preconceived notions.
|So very much like me, minus the shoes. Picture Credit|
For a short while now, I'm building a moat around myself. It's not a very positive thing, but I'm at a point in life now where I just need more time to myself for the things that matter more.