Pentecost Sunday

It is Pentecost Sunday today and Mass at More House was really beautiful. It is indeed a privilege to be able to receive Holy Communion again this week, but in addition to that sacred gift, the homily was enriching and the hymns today, especially the hymns, made me so happy. "Spirit of God" was sung today, my absolute favourite. I used to sing this all the time in college whenever I was too swamped with stress. The habit carried on during my holiday breaks even, that mom would have to bear with my horrible vocals at home. I can never do justice to this hymn. Nevertheless, I love it so much, and sing it so often, that mom mentioned to me recently how she'd think of me straightaway whenever it is sung at St. Michael's. I was glad to hear that and when I heard the hymn today, I was reminded of her and everyone at home. 

The lyrics to the hymn brings me way back into time, when strong winds used to sweep through the palm trees just behind my room. I could feel the Holy Spirit breathing, literally upon me and my friends. I would run upstairs in the night, to the balcony and watch how the trees shook wildly about. It would have been scary, or gruesome for most people, in that tiny shadowy corner, lit only by an orange worn out lamp - but it was my little peaceful space, that tiny spot. 

As called for by tradition, Sister Gabriel got the little children to hand out the Gifts of the Holy Spirit. 7 different gifts, and we get to pick just one from the baskets, in the form of cute bookmarks. If I remember rightly, for the past two years, I've amassed the gifts of "Counsel" and "Fortitude", so imagine my joy today at obtaining "Wisdom"! Praise God for His wonders!

After Mass, a little chat with Alexis revealed to me that she uses a film camera. How amazing and cool is that?! She's this really charming young lady who makes me wonder why I'm living such a selfish life sometimes. She completed a 10K marathon for CAFOD, a charity, in just under an hour! And what have I ever done for God?

P/S: I need a sanity check for blogging ever so frequently during the exams. 

Addendum: Someone just has to knock me in the head! I only just realized that today's Prayer of the Faithful was done in multiple languages, to honour our first reading in which the Apostles spoke in many different languages! How could I have been so ignorant? :) It's a beautiful day. 

My Greatest Girl Crush

I have always had a crush on Alexis Bledel, ever since I saw her in an episode of Gilmore Girls. For those of you who don't know her, you're missing out BIG time!  She's also starred alongside Blake Lively of Gossip Girl fame and America Ferrera, who is known to most people as the actress who plays Ugly Betty. And before you start to wonder, no, I do not have any form of sexual affinity towards my own gender. Just take it that I am one who can appreciate beauty, in an innocent manner at that. 

Picture Credit

She's more than 30 years old now but she still looks like a child. I was shocked to discover her age after watching an interview of hers with David Letterman. Just like Audrey Hepburn, Alexis never seems to grow old. I have so many reasons to be crazy over her. Besides a set of the most mesmerizing, haunting blue eyes a girl can have, she is effortlessly charming and sweet. Oh, and did I mention humble too?! 

Picture Credit

She looks very much like an angel, don't you think? Even when she's expressionless or indifferent, one cannot help but stare. I've got to put it down to her natural beauty, it attracts attention, without being called for. From an aesthetic point of view, I'd say her most outstanding features are the shape of her face, her fair skin and the aforementioned pair of almost transparent dreamy eyes. What's not to love about how she looks? The photo above is of her in Tuck Everlasting, a fairy tale I watched last summer after my exams. I especially adore the way she looks when she frowns because I think she could make hearts melt with it. It's insane that a negative facial expression can still be so adorable. 

Picture Credit

As Rory in Gilmore Girls, she played a smart, witty teenager with an ENORMOUS love for books and literature. The series lasted for several seasons in which she grew up, left home, went to Yale instead of Harvard (which was her original dream), fell in and out of love, learned more about life, was proposed to and in the end, got a fantastic chance to work on a political campaign. I spent every Sunday afternoon at home watching the series and was so inspired to become a journalist myself, it was insane! I should have known I never had talent in that department. Darn, I don’t even know if I have a single talent!

 Picture Credit

She's the one I can only dream of being like. 

So true

Picture Credit

So true isn't it? Most of us can be strong and resilient, and suppress whatever negative emotions we hide inside of us- that oftentimes, we even amaze ourselves with our capabilities in putting up a brave frontier to the rest of the world. But the moment THE magical probing question is asked, volumes of saline come pouring out, naturally, unstoppable, from those two miniature windows to our souls.

And for some of us who know this, the question is to ask or not to. When someone is clearly hiding a terrible pain, should we just leave them be and save ourselves the embarrassment of forcing a friend into making a hearty confession when he or she clearly prefers keeping things inside? Would it be too cruel to ask?

Yes, it is cruel. It definitely is, when you're just asking out of pleasure to satisfy your curiosity.

Dear friend, I've been going through what you were going through so I never asked you what was wrong when I heard you cry. I am sorry but I thought it was better that way. I would have wanted the same if I were you, for the time being at least. I knew it would have caused you discomfort to speak about what was bothering you, but when you're ready to share, I'm here, right here, I'm not going anywhere. 

Depth

Picture Credit

At times when I find it hard to concentrate, I wander around the blogosphere, peering at the thoughts and souls of other bloggers. Some of these people are my friends in real life. Smiley faces everyday, 5-min chat partner, Oreo cookie provider in lectures, lab partner etc. Reading their thoughts, I realize just how much more depth there is to them than what I perceive of them from the outside. It is not like I judge anyone- it's just the feeling you get when you're quite conversational with someone else for a long period of time, and never realized just how much more there is to them. So, it's a good thing that I'm reading what they have to say. Every person you meet has a million stories to tell, perhaps an equal number of hidden sorrows as well. Every person you meet is not just what he/she portrays themselves to be like on the outside. It brightens me up to have just learned about this side of my friend which I never knew of before, we share quite a number of things in common.

I think I am attracted to pain and suffering. Since my college days, I seemed to notice a longing inside of me to reach out to someone who is going through a hard time. It could be a bad thing, since I even find myself attracted to guys with a brooding nature. The worn-out hero, the tired sentinel or simply, the humble dejected guitarist. The afflicted soul, if I may say so, spells out a deeper character. But it works like poison against me. For example, I once tolerated and tried to be the most understanding person to someone special, hoping to ease him back into the light, bring joy again into his life. I allowed him to be lukewarm towards me, just because I understood how he's been deeply hurt in the past, how scared he was then. Oddly, thinking back now, it was a bitter-sweet experience for me, hoping and loving at the same time. Everytime I was treated coldly, I took it with a pinch of salt, with the hope that things will improve, that he'll finally see that I was just trying to be his angel. I had wings to fly, and I wanted to fly with him to the end of the tunnel. The dark side of him always made me love him even more. But it also ate me up, thrust me upon the sidelines, left me wondering if I had deserved better. But it was love, no doubt.

Okay, enough of that. I had better get back to my books now. I am feeling slightly uncomfortable right now, having eaten two whole bags of crips today and 6 fruit sorbets yet again. But it's just my form of self-loving. :) Laters! 

Another Tag

I found this while I was doing what I do best, time-wasting on the Internet! Since I'm pretty bored now, I guess I'll just complete this.

1. If it was the last night on earth, what would you do? Bring my mum and sister out and splurge all my money on great food and desserts, no restrictions, no diet considerations.
2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
People say if you say your dream out loud, it may never come true ever, so..

3. Do you have a malicious mind?

Once in awhile, when someone makes me cross, or hurt my feelings. 

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

Bring my mum around the world. 

5. Pretty but fat/Ugly but slim, which one would you prefer?

Pretty but fat, then I can work on losing the weight.

6. Which is more of a blessing, loving someone or being loved by someone?

Being loved. I don't think I am very capable of loving someone else genuinely. 

7. Is there anyone that you've waited for? How long did it last?

I've never waited for anyone.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

I secretly liked someone for a long time and I watched him get together with another girl and they're going strong now. I think I can live with suppressing my feelings and letting the impossible go. 

9. If you could act with someone, who will it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?

I'd love to act alongside Alexis Bledel, perhaps some of her glorious aura would shine on me too! 

10. Would you invite your  ex to your wedding dinner?

Yes to one, and no to the other. 

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?

A grown up, mature lady, involved in philanthropic activities hopefully!

12. What's your fear?Being left alone.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

No one tagged me. I just found this tag somewhere else. 

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?

I'd like to be single and rich and FREE to do anything I want to. 

15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?

Drink some water. They say germs that are good for digestion stick around your teeth after you sleep so it's inadvisable to just brush them off the first thing in the morning.

16. What kinda girlfriend/boyfriend do you think you are?

The bad type, unless I really love my other half. 

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?

I don't think I would even be investing much effort in developing my feelings towards one person in the first place. 

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter what someone has done?

I wished I could. Maybe someday. 

19.Do you prefer being single or being in a relationship?

Single for now! 

20.List 6 people to tag

I can't think of anyone. Please feel free to copy this if you want to do the tag. 

Confusion

As a student, there are times when I sincerely enjoy what I'm trying to study because I understand (or am under the impression that I do anyways) the material. At other times, I look almost like this little girl here:

Picture Credit

Frustrated-lah! Mr. C, I can't seem to understand your notes and all my hair is going to fall out from the endless scratching of my head!

LRRH:1 Mr. Mouse:0

Picture Credit

It was 3am, the morning of my TP II paper, and I was awakened by a very screechy sound somewhere around the corner of my room. Usually, these kinds of sounds do little to bother me, but I was especially nervous due to the exam and I was not exactly sleeping well to begin with. I could feel the rain outside, its smell must have seeped through the cracks in the walls of our old flat, tickled my nose awake, such that I felt compelled to get up and draw open the curtains. I wanted to see the rain in the emptiness of the night.

The roads below were empty. The lamp posts shone brightly. I was reminded of home, of the little road just outside. Wet wet wet. Quiet. But really, wet wet wet. Calm settled in me, perhaps because I felt so familiar with what I saw. With a sigh, I decided to carry on reading more of my notes. Another round now. Maybe I'll remember better.

One, two, three pages. Then, that sound again. I thought it was merely the wind, thrashing against my window. I ran to the curtains again, tearing them apart, and as I did just that, the sound stopped. Wow, it was as if I could will it to stop! Not bad! Alas, I got back to my notes, and within a few seconds, I heard the sound again. Ughhh...

Oh! Realization hit me. It's Mr. Mouse isn't it, scratching against the wall by the corner?!!

I quietly moved to the corner of my room, squatted down, peeked at the little hole just there. Lo and behold, guess what I saw?! Mr. Mouse, just looking back at me! In fact, it was giving me that challenging glare!

"Come and get me will you, woman?!"

I felt so helpless, there it was, just a few feet away from me, at the corner of my room and I could do nothing about it. The sheer annoyance! How dare you torment me, you little prat, give me another stare like that and I promise you, you'll wish you had never dared to even lay a finger on my walls, you little prat! (Does a rodent have fingers by the way? I am unsure myself but you get what I mean). In a really really bad way, Mr. Mouse reminded me of him. The shape of it's face, it's parasite like nature, reminded me of him. Manipulative, dirty, opportunistic, weak, timid, alone, scared. Eww... I was disgusted to say the least. But then, yes, indeed, that person was weak, timid, alone and scared in the past and I stupidly catered to those needs because he needed me. Simply because he needed me.

But I shouldn't distract myself from the source of discontent right under my nose. I don't know how I managed to sleep that night finally. After all the noise and frustration. I took my exam in the day, came back home and set up the trap, almost immediately, with relish. Using peanuts as a worthy weapon upon a gluey mouse trap, I smirked in delight while preparing Mr.Mouse's ambush. Sadistic, cruel, revengeful? Or perhaps was I trying to vent out my anger towards the image of a certain someone that the mouse had formed in my mind?

Last night, I stayed up late again with another set of notes. (Gosh, exams are never ending, I'm avalanched under work!) It was almost 2am and I heard a struggling noise where Mr. Mouse used to scratch.

Yesssss, I knew I had caught it!!

I dashed out of my room to check the spot where I laid the trap and indeed, the mouse was there. Quickly, I took a plastic bag to dispose of the pest, but when I tried to lift the trap, Mr.Mouse bit so hardly on a piece of wire nearby, literally clinging on for its dear life- that I had to tug so hard just to get it into the bag, feeling super grossed out all the while! I could feel it struggling about in the bag as I ran downstairs to dump it away into the bigger rubbish bins outside.

Upon returning to my room, I thought I could then continue on with my notes in the peace and quiet of the night. But, for the longest time, my thoughts lingered upon the patch of blood on the trap resulting from Mr. Mouse's efforts to disengage itself from the trap, and how it reminded me about him. Manipulative, dirty, opportunistic, weak, timid, alone, scared.