Rage

It is interesting how certain, vivid, vengeful thoughts can creep up in our minds all of a sudden, often triggered by stress, which make us feel unreasonably enraged. In one of my Catechism classes when I was younger, my teacher, Mrs. Lucy, mentioned to us that whenever she feels angry, she'll remind herself that the devil is near or even just beside her, whispering insidious reminders/reasons to be mad. I am so happy I remembered what she taught us because I had a moment of rage just now.

But was my rage unreasonable? That is the funny part. The devil justified my anger, and gave me so many 'strong' reasons to feel jealous and 'wronged'. Yes, Mr.lucifer, it's true as you said that one of my friends has no original initiative of her own to do certain things. Yes, it's true that she tends to take after me. Yes, although my efforts were gallant and unrewarded and her's were also gallant but rewarded, so what? Yes, it's also true that she has closely done a LOT of things I've done first (no originality again..yawn).

Let me tell you this, I exert a good influence on the people around me. Although I've failed in some respects and the friend succeeded, CHOOSING to be happy because the friend has succeeded is a state of mental maturity I can be proud of on a personal level. This certain person who follows whatever I do too closely might be someone with no inspiration and it's not wrong for her to want to build something for herself, just as I wanted. There is no reason for me to be angry for being 'copied' :) I shall take pride in being a worthy peer! I already have so many blessings from God. He loves me so much, and this little pet peeve pales in comparison to every other thing I can cherish! There you go, mr. devil, in your face ha!

Despite being mature and graceful as much as I can, I actually hope this certain person will not tag too closely to me in the future as I too am human and need my space. This has been bugging me for some time and I am really surprised at how patient I can be! There is strong spirit of individualism bursting out from me and I would love to let it live. I want to take charge of the definition of me! Hussah!